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i thought you knew that i was stupid.
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[07 Jul 2009|03:06pm] |
"Yeah, I always thought cowboys were kinda assholes." Ok, so everyone's entitled to an opinion, but did you have to say it so loud while we're sitting in the stands at a rodeo? Sometimes Jameson's biodad is a total champ.
We got there at the tail end of steer wrestling, which might be my favorite sport. As we climbed higher and higher I could hear "Cheap Seats," by Alabama playing in my head -- but that was okay.
We like our beer flat as can be
We like our dogs with mustard and relish
We got a great pitcher whats his name
Well we cant even spell it
We dont worry about the pennant much
We just like to see the boys hit it deep
Theres nothing like the view from the cheap seats
But really, the classic rodeo songs are by Garth Brooks and AC/DC. I looked back over my shoulder every couple steps to see the last few cowboys fly off galloping horses to land on the backs of grunting, sweating steers, wrenching them by the horns to wrestle them to the packed arena dirt with "You Shook Me All Night Long" blaring uncomfortably loud over the tinny PA. I applauded and shrieked a yeehaw as I finally took my seat even though I hadn't seen the last ride. I didn't care.
It was Jameson and his father's first time at a rodeo, so of course the first thing they got to watch was the crowning of the rodeo queen -- I know that's important to the contestants, and I kind of like watching it, but to non-aficionados it's dull. Okay sometimes it drags out so long that it's even dull to the rest of us.
One of the contestants got bucked off. Not as they were announcing the winner (it wasn't her) but after, when the new queen had done her victory lap and the six or so pretty teenagers were preparing to leave the ring -- one horse just wadded up and started crowhopping, arching his back and jumping with all four feet in the air. The girl landed on her bottom and got up in one fluid motion, grabbing her horse by the reins and getting back on so fast it looked like a graceful dance move until the horse spun on his front legs, bucking harder now, and she fell again. She got up just as fast the second time, brushed the dirt off her ass, grabbed the reins again, but this time she walked the horse out.
The first event we really got to see was team roping, which can be pretty excited when it's done right, but it wasn't. Out of five or so teams, not a single header caught his steer. I was a little embarrassed -- here I've been talking up rodeo like it's an electrifying experience, and... well. I guess I couldn't have done any better.
The announcer said a guy was going to jump out of a plane and land in the arena, but I didn't believe him until I saw the tiny speck falling and falling and falling out of the plane, saw the parachute deploy, and the giant american flag unfurl as the man made his descent. I'm not ashamed (okay, let's say not very ashamed) to admit that I felt a swell of patriotism, listening to "God Bless The USA" and watching him twirl in the wind, that great flag flapping and spiraling against the sky as he twisted, landing, finally, smack in the center of the arena as promised.
One or two of the tiedown ropers got his calf, but they were slow and I was sitting there wondering, where did they get these cowboys? I know twenty who'd put on a better show and it'd be cheaper, with no nosebleed seats.
When the first bullrider popped out of the chute, though... this is rodeo. Jameson held squeezed my hand back as I dug my nails into his palm.
And then a kid got chucked bad. He didn't move as the EMTs rushed in and slowly put him on a stretcher. The announcer and the clown kept up a witty improv, diverting the audience's attention, but I just looked down at the ground way down below me, reeling and sick, trying to breathe deep. Jamie squeezed my hand and reminded me that this is why people go to rodeos; it wouldn't be exciting if there wasn't that kind of risk, and the guy was probably lying so still on strict instructions so the technicians or paramedics or whatever they were could make sure his back wasn't broken.
I tried to believe him. After a few more riders had taken nasty spills from which they sprang up apparently unharmed, the announcer told the audience that the hurt cowboy -- Brent, maybe -- was okay, was in fact mad as hell that they were keeping him in the ambulance and not letting him return to the show. I tried to believe him.
After a few bronc rides the announcer told us that Brent was back in the crowd -- he was sitting "right over there" -- but I noticed that he didn't specify where "over there" was. I tried so hard to believe him.
The show wasn't ruined for me, but it was... subdued. I couldn't muster the manic glee, the vicarious exhilaration that I usually feel watching a good ride.
The program said there'd be a good fireworks show at the end but I wasn't expecting to be impressed, so I was doubly surprised at the fireworks -- they were good. There was no wind across the bleachers and the night was warm and the music was loud and I finally felt good. "God Bless the USA" came back on and just as he sang "And I'd gladly stand up next to you," a group of maybe five fireworks took flight -- this time directed at a section of the bleachers.
There were no screams and the display continued to its end, which gave the whole thing a surreal quality. People next to me continued to ooh over the colors flashing above us, but the only lights I was watching were the security flashlights picking out the victims and leading them to the security building.
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[17 Jun 2009|03:42pm] |
uh. hi.
i don't know what happened but my volume knob got turned all the way down and then snapped off.
nothing is the same as it was, pretty much. everything that was true of my life is no longer true, give or take. i am still seeing jamie and that is going just fine.
as for the rest of it, you can just make up your own story what happened to me and where i am and what happens next. it's probably as close to accurate as whatever i'd tell you. and your version can have leprechauns.
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[01 Jun 2009|03:08am] |
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music |
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time to move on -tom petty |
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there are some things that i just haven't had the heart to record, although i guess maybe it's time to tack some new chapters on to my entry of 11/11.
i guess i still don't want to. but it's 3am and i just can't sleep again. still.
i'm making a plan and it includes packing.
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[18 Apr 2009|08:18pm] |
i got hit by the same random apparent spambot commenter that a few of my friends have complained of. i screen anonymous comments, but i unscreened the one i found worthy of displaying. it's on my most recent longish entry, which was the 13 or so, if you care.
also, um, hi. i'm wearing a skirt.
further bulletins as events warrant.
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[13 Apr 2009|10:05pm] |
i don't have as much to say as i used to. i think it's the lack of awesome job.
i mean i like my job now but it's just not the same. but at least there's that smell of sweat and mud, the deep breaths and the creaking of leather and stamping hooves to dodge.
i miss the mountains. i miss home. but i'm slowly chipping away at this flat, crowded rock, carving in a tiny niche for this little hillbilly.
i get stared at when i wear my spurs to town. think i'll get some jinglebobs for 'em, make a little more noise.
the days i don't ride pass so slow sometimes, and when i take the harbor boulevard exit into west sac i can feel the adrenaline start pumping and my palms start sweating because the closest i get to home is my saddle. i still have a place where i belong, in between a head and a tail. life's not so bad now that i have two feet, one for each side of a horse.
music is a constant, too -- somehow tuning into a country station, even when they don't play the songs i'd prefer to hear, feels good. there's company out there somewhere, people listening to the same songs at the same time, someone feeling that steel guitar crying as deep in them as it is in me.
spending a lot of time with jameson, and that's fun. maybe not so good -- he likes thrifting as much as i do, and that could get my wallet in trouble. but we get up to some decent hijinks, dancing in the aisles and leaving the dressing room curtain slightly cracked, narrow enough that it looks like an accident but not so narrow that someone who knows just where to look can't see me in my underpants and boots. poring through used books and hugging someone else's stuffed animals and changing into my new old clothes in the parking lot.
and cooking and singing and laughing and all the normal stuff with someone whose company i enjoy, someone who gets my jokes and doesn't mind a little dirt. he led kara down the levee the other day while i rode along on sai.
i feel summer creeping in and i'm... well, you know, maybe, where i'm going with that. no time for beer lately and i haven't had the time to ache, so nothing new is red, but it's in the back of my mind, an urge as strong and primal as, but less urgent than, a need for food or sex or sleep.
my saddle and bridle are piled in a heap of leather and buckles in the back of my car, and it's getting hotter every day.
it's getting hotter every day.
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| guess who just got back today |
[08 Apr 2009|04:06pm] |
the boys are back in town
and i have a phone again!
man i am in such a good mood. it's sunny and i have a new phone and it's RED (hands up who's surprised) and all i want to do is go play outside but i guess going to journalism won't be too bad either.
yes it will, i hate that class.
whatever.
spread the word around!
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[05 Apr 2009|11:36pm] |
oh. phone.
my phone is FOR REALZ DEAD this time. like really.
so i bought a new one on ebay -- spent some time in the verizon store but ended up deciding that what i really want is another razr; i know i'm one of about three people on the planet who actually liked them, and that's why they don't exist anymore, but it's true, i did like them -- and it'll be here in a couple days and i would like to have your number again if you wouldn't mind terribly.
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[02 Apr 2009|08:08pm] |
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math |
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"time to move on" tom petty |
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once bitten, twice shy.
so what if you're a lot of bitten? many bites? what if you find your own shenanigans oldmeme and find yourself getting more and more cryptic/reticent every day, just because you're sick of looking at old posts and sighing and shaking your head?
some people would look at this new situation and say, "HAY NEAT!"
i look at it and go "O SHET."
i am so damn jaded. but lately when i think that, it's with at least half a smile on my face. i've been listening to a lot of rap lately, as indicated in my last post.
i think my lips are sunburned from riding sai in the sun, and this, among other things, pleases me.
another thing that pleases me is finding notes scribbled on receipts hidden in my room. but that's as much as i'll say right now.
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[09 Mar 2009|03:25pm] |
perspective:
a girl dropped her phone in the computer lab and it bounced off my left baby toe before hitting the ground. the first thought i had was "ouch," but the second thought was, "good thing it hit my foot, or it would have broken."
just a couple months ago i wouldn't have had a second thought, i would have been doubled over in pain.
freedom. i'm still not 100% and i'm accepting that i never will be -- but i am by god close enough.
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| workin the kinks out |
[06 Mar 2009|10:10am] |
i have no explanation or excuse for the mood that i'm in today.
but it's good.
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[06 Mar 2009|09:07am] |
O SHET
does anyone know how to reach pi? THIS IS BAD NEWS! i have a doctor's appointment at 1 but pi is supposed to be here at 1! WHAT DO I DO
O SHET
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[05 Mar 2009|07:34pm] |
phrases i hate:
* "for some reason" (and its special ed cousin, "for some unknown reason")
* by the way
* needless to say
MORE TO COME AS I THINK OF THEM.
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[05 Mar 2009|07:01pm] |
pi is coming over tomorrow!
also i really, really want a cupcake. this isn't going to go away until i fucking get one.
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[03 Mar 2009|10:51pm] |
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pi, when are you going to be in sac? my buddy and i are going to see jason webley in sac on... uh... saturday? i think it's saturday. and YOU COULD COME. and both of you could spend the entire time scoping out OTHER WOMENS!
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| sage advice: |
[03 Mar 2009|06:22pm] |
Van Random
AIM
6:20 PM
Well you can get on the road to recovery faster via arson.
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[03 Mar 2009|03:05pm] |
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 sad |
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"before my friends do" -Atom and His Package |
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i think i hope i die before my friends do
because the alternative makes my stomach hurt sometimes...
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[03 Mar 2009|09:12am] |
i woke up this morning wondering just what the hell i did last night -- stomach churning, head breaking into tiny little fragments.
then i realized that last night i went to bed at a reasonable hour like a civilized human being.
SHIT.
i can't miss genetics. it's not optional. i'm fucking going.
i just hope i don't vomit in class; that's considered to be in poor taste.
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[01 Mar 2009|05:07pm] |
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don't hate because i want a booming sound system in my '85 volvo wagon.
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